


Sick of Losing Soulmates (I Like You)

by perfectdagger (sincerelyste), star_k



Series: Mistletoes & Wrackspurts [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Muggle Louis, Wizard Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyste/pseuds/perfectdagger, https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_k/pseuds/star_k
Summary: Time and hearts will wear us thinSo which path will you take, ‘cause we both know a breakDoes exactly what it says on the tin‘Cause I’m sick of losing soulmates, so where do we beginI can finally see, you’re as fucked up as meSo how do we win?//I hope I’m not stuck on your waiting listBecause I dream of you in colors that don’t existAnd I think it’s high time for you to knowI like you I like you I like youAnd I hope you like me tooPart 2 of theMistletoes & Wrackspurtsseries, or the interlude in which 3 years apart seems to be nothing and too much at the same time.





	1. Sick of Losing Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Read Part 1: Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8635414?view_full_work=true).
> 
> Thanks again to our amazing beta and britpicker [Sammie](http://britpickerhl.tumblr.com) for the help, always.

Deja-vu. That weird feeling you get when you feel like you’ve experienced a moment in life before – that’s exactly how Louis felt while stepping inside that stupid platform again.

(That, and an irrational anger towards himself: if he had only chosen to go to Manchester instead of London for Uni, he reckoned his life would have been much easier. He could have avoided becoming Lottie’s unofficial londoner muggle chauffeur. Not that he minded, he just wished (haha) he could stop. Going. There. You know, because of reasons.)

He knew June wouldn’t be the last time he had to go to King’s Cross, his sister still had 4 years of coming and going to _Hogwash_. Why couldn’t he just drop Lottie off at the car park, ‘there you go, love, have lots of fun, miss you’ and drive the fuck away? Because he was an awesome big brother, that’s why. Plus, Lottie had no fucking idea what the fuck had happened between Louis and he-who-must-not-be-named.

Huh.

Still, there he was. And he could do nothing but resent the flood of memories rushing back to him. Not that he had done a good job during the summer trying to forget all those memories, but every time he did so, it always backfired and even the sweet ones now were bitter. Memories of tender moments, caresses, whispers and promises, such sweet magic surrounding Louis, and a boy who... He’s gone now, wasn’t he? Louis should maybe learn how to deal with that. He was the one to tell him to go, after all. Bitterness could only do so much, though. Tainting their past wouldn’t actually help him move on, but so it goes.

His heart was shattered, yes it was, and Louis was never a smart person not to hold grudges against those who made him feel like shit. It wasn’t his fault that everything that had happened with Harry ended the way they did. He had tried to find a middle ground for them, but that didn’t depend only on him, when the other part of their relationship (they were in a relationship, for fuck’s sake, how had Louis let that actually happen when back in his mind he knew how that would end up?) didn’t seem too keen to keep what they had.

That’s what you get for letting your stupid arse get swept away by a boy who looked like everything Louis had dreamed of. You grasp onto the fun and mysterious part of it, you hold on to the sudden feeling of being in love for the first time, you let yourself believe that what you had when you were 18 and 20 will last forever – you do all that only to be hit in the face with reality to tell you that two people from different worlds could never fit together, leaving a boy in his misery because he was sure a fucking wizard was “it” for him.

Every little thing he did was magic, including magically fucking Louis over.

Louis didn’t believe anymore that Harry was "it" for him. He didn’t believe anymore that Harry had ever considered him “it” for himself either. There was no such thing as destiny or soulmates in this world (both his world and Harry’s). If there was, he wouldn’t be fighting with his whole soul to get over a breakup, he wouldn’t be fighting with his whole being to pull himself together as he walked through that damn wall once again and not feel so nauseous by his memories or what could have been.

He would get over this bullshit soon enough, he knew it. The hurt was still too recent, but time would be his best friend here. He’d do it not only for himself, but for his sister as well, who got caught up between their mess of a relationship: her brother and her first wizard friend going behind her back and then fucking it up without her even knowing.

Lottie was his best friend and he had hidden half of his year from her and he couldn’t, for the sake of his life, tell her everything that had happened now that it was all over. So he had to leave her in the dark, even when she kept telling him that she couldn’t wait to know how Harry was doing during his expedition and trip abroad, and Louis had to pretend he was just the tiniest bit interested in whatever she was telling him – and those were the moments when everything came back to him and it hurt all over and he wished he had never met Harry.

(That’s a lie. He’d always be grateful for meeting Harry and for his friendship with his sister. He knew how special their friendship was, and how much they liked each other. Harry had taken care of Lottie when Louis couldn’t and made her adaptation to Hogwarts much smoother. He’d never resent that – just how close he and Harry had gotten by the end. And his stupid teenage crush, he’d always resent that. Fucking embarrassing and look where that got him: a dumb heartbreak.)

As he waved Lottie goodbye, her flowy hair by the movement of the train, he saw a shadow by the corner of his eye, a familiar silhouette just resting by his side on the platform. He turned, heart on his throat, to see a man, a wizard, waving goodbye too. Robes, curly hair, tall. It wasn’t Harry, of course not, what was he thinking? It pained and relieved him at the same time.

It hit him then: Harry really was gone and he didn’t know when or if he was coming back. They didn’t talk about it, Louis had no right to ask him with them being over. That door was closed, they were done and there was no turning back.  

It is what it is.

*

One thing Louis learned was that time could be a blessing and a bitch at the same time. Friends could also be a blessing and tossers too. He had learned that about Liam a long time ago, but lately Liam had been the only one Louis could count on.

Liam was probably the only person, besides his mum, who knew about everything he had gone through – minus the part where he had fallen for a wizard, obviously.

Liam was the one to be there for him; to help him when he went back to Uni and their flat, to cheer him up, to pep talk him “ _forget that tool, Lewis. To breakup with such a fine lad as yourself? Good fucking riddance_.”

So they went through everything together, the thick (Louis’ late night cries, weekend outbursts, sleepless nights and almost failing classes, drinking and smoking into the night) and thin (Louis regaining some of his spontaneity, going back to that loud and livid lad he was before, hooking up, getting his first tattoos, enjoying his classes again).

Time and having his head occupied with other things was helping Louis heal from having his heart broken. It wasn’t something easy to do, but he had to start it somehow; and he did when he asked Liam to help him get rid of a box full of memories he had with Harry. It was a start, but not the most honest one, since there was another box Louis had to keep away from Liam, one with magical things Harry had given him, full of pictures that would move and remind him of the boy’s time at Hogwarts through their letters exchanges. He couldn’t let Liam near that box for the sake of his best friend not finding out about the wizarding world. He’d take care of it later.

It was only a year after, before the start of their last year of Uni when they decided to move out from their student flat to a normal one that Louis came face to face with that box again. Liam, the ever so calm Liam, almost kicked Louis’ bum in despair when he was taking Louis’ stuff from his bedroom and found a box that had a big “H” on the lid. For Louis’ luck, Liam didn’t open the box but instead interrogated him on why he still had that when just a year prior he had promised Liam that Harry’s chapter in his life had been closed. Louis ignored him, without knowing how to explain what that box held, taking it with him outside the dorm, running, maybe without even thinking, to the usual spot he and Harry usually met whenever the boy apparated in London.

Louis hadn’t meant to open that box and be flooded with memories he thought he had lost – but not missed. He had tried his best to stop missing Harry. Only, he didn’t know if he was being successful in fooling himself, because there were still times when he caught himself thinking about him, reliving some moments in his head and even imagining seeing the boy on the streets whenever he walked somewhere they had gone together (specially at King’s Cross). At least he managed to make Liam and his mum believe he did so. With that box in his hand now, looking through the pictures and little notes he had received from Harry, all the nostalgic feeling came back to him and it almost made him sick of how much he missed the curly boy. Why did his heart like to mess with him like that?

He hadn’t had a breakdown since the day he threw the other box away and he wanted to punch himself in the face for sitting there, crying his eyes out again over stupid screenshots of their time together. Why did Liam had to find this stupid box again? It was supposed to have evaporated in the middle of the dust in Louis’ wardrobe; it was supposed to disappear with Harry. Everything was supposed to disappear with Harry.

He tried to collect himself again before heading back to his dorm, box still in his hand. He wanted to throw it away, to burn it to ashes and forget Harry even existed. He knew, though, that it was impossible. He had accepted that Harry would be a constant in his life way before deciding to forget him entirely. Harry hadn’t been just someone in his life – and not only in his, but in his sister’s too. If it weren’t for Harry, Louis knew many things in his life wouldn’t be the same.

Damaging that box, those memories, like he did with the other one wouldn’t erase what happened; it wouldn’t make Harry simply disappear and stop existing. Louis had to deal with that, with the pain that still lingered every time Lottie mentioned him. He said to Harry that the he would always be in his heart, and he wasn’t lying. Maybe someday he would be totally over it, over them and he would be able to look back nostalgically to his first love, no heavy weight in his heart, no what ifs.

Louis promised himself, sat on a bench at the place that held such meaning to them before, that he would try harder to move on. His situation – their situation – was fucked up and Louis wished it had ended on better terms (or, that it hadn’t ended at all, but well), for it would have been easier for him to deal with his feelings.

He wished he had been as unattached as Harry apparently had been, and still seemed to be if Lottie’s reports on what he was up to indicated anything.

It was about time Louis let go.

*

Life is never quite how you think it would be. Like when his biological father fucked off and let his mother to take care of him alone when he was still a baby; when he accepted that he liked boys and cried into his mum’s arms; when he first had to deal with Lottie being a witch; when Mark left his family too; or when he had broken up with Harry.

Those were all things Louis had to face when he still hadn’t much to worry about in his life and at the time, they seemed like they were the only thing that mattered.

Having growing up, having graduated from Uni and finding a proper job, helping his mother out, taking care of his own house with Liam, Louis learned that life still goes on. Of course, some things would always hurt a little, would always have a weight on how he had shaped his life, but some others, he learned to let go as time passed by.

It was not that he totally forgot about them; he didn’t and he would never. The promise he had made to himself still held truth, though. After realizing that he had to move on one way or another, it was easier for him to stop feeling so bitter about those things, among them him and Harry. It still hurt sometimes – most of the times, but it took some months until it started hurting less.

He wasn’t sure it had stopped hurting altogether until during the Christmas holiday in Doncaster, when they received an unexpected visitor.

It had been months since Lottie had last mentioned Harry to him. Louis didn’t know if she had stopped because she finally noticed that Louis didn’t want anything to do with what Harry was doing (after having asked him so many times why they had stopped talking – _“Life happens, Lottie.” “Well, it didn’t stop him from writing to me.” “It’s different, you’re his wizard friend and I’m not…” “Stop with your muggle inferiority complex, Louis, please.”_ ) or if she had lost contact with him. The thing was, because of Lottie mentioning Harry less and less, it was easier for Louis to forget that it hurt. To be honest, it’d been months since he last thought about him.

So when Marcel entered their kitchen, Louis didn’t know what to feel. He thought that bittersweet nostalgia he felt when opening the box back at his old flat with Liam would come back and that he would start crying again. He waited to see what would happen when the owl came closer to him on the table and Louis hesitantly scratched the top of his head. He waited for that flood of emotions, of memories, to hit him and make him get up from the table and never look at that owl again just to forget everything he represented.

It didn’t happen. He hadn’t seen Marcel in about two years and as the bird slowly blinked at him with those big orange eyes of his, just like the first time he had entered Louis’ room, Louis just remembered how much he missed the bird, not bitterly, but in a good way.

Louis breathed relieved, letting himself pat Marcel just like he used to do – it seemed like the owl had missed it as well, if the cooing was anything to go by. Things were different now, but Louis couldn’t deny he was still fond of that spoiled bird, even if he brought back a time in his life he spent so long trying to move on from.

It was weird that Louis was not feeling the way he thought he would and he didn’t know if it was good or bad. He had yet to figure it out and he started to do so as Lottie began reading Harry’s letter aloud.

It wasn’t an extensive letter, mostly Harry wishing Lottie and the family a happy holiday season, telling her that he was briefly back in London to visit his family after spending the last six months roaming around Africa, visiting the most remote places and also doing some research for a Language School there. He would continue travelling across the continents to keep on with and improving his research. He then wished Lottie good luck (and something about her not taking some Felix Felicis, whatever the hell that was) on the second term of her 5th year at Hogwarts, hoping that the girl had prepared herself a lot for her OWLs tests and that he was expecting to hear from her when she received her results.

Lottie had never read any of Harry’s letter to Louis, only casually mentioning something the boy had said he was doing. That was the first time Louis had actually listened to Harry’s words and he thought he would feel all that anger from the first months after their break up, of imagining Harry all happy and unpreoccupied doing what he chose to do instead of choosing to keep Louis in his life.

That didn’t happen. He didn’t feel anything bad about Lottie reading Harry’s whereabouts and plans for the future. It didn’t sting like it did before just by the mere thought of Harry. Just like what he felt when Marcel entered the room, Harry’s letter made Louis feel somewhat good. Good that Harry had kept on following the path he had chosen, that he was still on his quest to discover whatever it was that he could find out studying Ancient Runes. Louis didn’t feel bitter about any of that, about those things that once took Harry away from him. It didn’t hurt anymore.

Louis realized that he had finally let go, sitting there by their mother’s kitchen table, with Marcel cooing softly at Louis’ cuddles, reading Harry’s letter. It was something oddly familiar, and Louis learned to make peace with it. There were no grudges, no lasting hypothetical scenarios. His heart and mind had finally understood that Harry had happened in his life but now he was in the past, and Louis could live with it, remember and even cherish that if the way that Marcel was cuddling him was anything to go by.

He and Harry had moved on with their lives, time had passed and they had followed different paths, even though they had crossed each other in the beginning.

Harry had been a part of his life and more than before, Louis knew that he would always be in his heart, but in a different way, as someone who had come and gone and that Louis could remember every now and then. It was about time he closed that chapter.

So yeah, life is quite never what you think it’s going be, but it is what it is.


	2. (I Like You)

Harry didn’t know he could fall more in love. He didn’t know that a subject that had caught his attention during his years at Hogwarts would become something so important to him, would become his life.

The first weeks of travelling with the expedition crew through South America, roaming around Machu Picchu’s ruins, brought Harry to a whole new world, something he had only read in his school books. Exploring those places and trying to discover something new, trying to understand what ancient wizards had left there brought a new perspective into Harry’s life, one that was helping him forget what he had left behind.

It had been hard in the beginning, though. He tried to be tough and not let it show that what had happened, what he had done was haunting him. It wasn’t something easy, of course it wasn’t, he had never intended to see Louis so hurt and to hurt himself in the process. He actually didn’t know what he had intended; he had only hoped Louis would understand his side and somehow say that afterwards, when Harry finally had time for himself – for them –, they could find each other again.

He knew it was selfish of him to think that, for him to pursue his career and hope that when the time was right, Louis would still be waiting for him. However, he knew he would be waiting for Louis, he was sure of it. No matter how much time and distance there would be between them, he knew that his love for Louis would never fade away.

When Louis told Harry that he deserved to go after what he really wanted, when Louis hurt him saying that he knew they wouldn’t last, there wasn’t anything Harry could do to save them. It only took one night to break them, and all Harry could do was say goodbye to what they had, knowing that he hadn’t meant for all they had to crumble so quickly into two separated paths.

Nothing good would come from him dwelling on what ifs with Louis while he had the opportunity of his life right in front of him. It was sad that he once had imagined Louis being with him through all of it, with Louis being present in his life while they achieved so much together, becoming teachers in their respective realities, becoming more than only teenage boyfriends…

Apparently for Louis it hadn’t been the same and Harry had to respect that, even though it meant he had to suffer in silence, toughen up and let his adventure and Niall help him forget about his sorrows.

Distractions and hard work, long days and nights exploring places and doing researches helped him focus on what mattered now. He spent summer (or South America’s winter) with Niall and the group finding things he had never imagined, immersing himself in his dream and what soon would become his career, hopefully.

When September came, it was weird not going to King’s Cross and embarking on the Hogwarts Express, not seeing his friends or Louis. Instead, he was heading to the middle of the Amazon Forest, to Castelobruxo, away from everything and everyone, Niall going back to England and leaving him to do his thing. He missed everyone dearly, but Louis was the one he missed the most. There were nights – hot and steamy nights in that castle surrounded by the most unbelievable species of animals and trees – when Harry would let his façade down and stop pretending that he was doing fine. There wasn’t any other wizard to judge him, no Niall to check on him and make sure that he wasn’t having a breakdown. He would let his guard down and his tears come for how much he knew he had screwed up something he knew he could have forever.

As months passed by, he tried regaining his focus and would always work and study normally, enthusiastically even, with the Professors of the School and no one would tell there was something wrong with him. He would go back to pretending everything was ok and even write a letter to his mother on a week, Niall another and even Lottie eventually, keeping his promise of letting the girl know how he was doing.

He wouldn’t stop talking to Lottie. That was never his intention when everything fell apart with Louis. Lottie was his dear friend and the girl had no part in what happened. She didn’t even know about them, so to suddenly change what they had, to punish her for something that only concerned him and Louis was never in his mind. If he wrote to her in the hopes that the girl would eventually mention Louis, though, nobody could blame him.

He knew it wasn’t healthy to linger for small pieces of information about Louis. He didn’t even let it be that obvious that he was waiting for them, only asking Lottie about her family in general and never mentioning Louis. And when he noticed in the few exchanges of letters they had, that Lottie kept any subjected related to Louis at a bay (“ _Louis has been pretty busy lately too, I think I understand why you guys are not talking anymore_ ”), Harry knew that even though he hoped Louis wouldn’t simply disappear from his life, real life and time and whatever came in the way, would do that to them.

He had to accept that his new reality would always be something in the way of his feelings for Louis. He had always thought that love was the most powerful kind of magic in the world – he had heard of love saving so many lives, of being what protected so many people – but for him, his love for Louis at that moment was doing nothing but making his own misery eat himself up.

He knew he would still love Louis for a long time, even as young as he was. He knew he had been loved too, or at least he hoped. What they had, as sad as it was to say it, was in the past and they could never go back to what it had been, not with what (and how it) had happened between them. The best he could do was, bit by bit, untangle his heart and his mind from memories of what they had together and live his life without thinking of the past, and look forward to the future.

Accepting it instead of crying over it all was the best he could do to heal himself. A broken heart wouldn’t do any good for him and his career at the moment. He had to grow up and face that life was simply a compilation of choices – not of wishes and whispered promises and dreams – and he had made his.

He was ok with that for now, he was content with what he had, fulfilling one of his life dreams and falling more in love with what he was working with every day – and letting his heart stop feeling sorrow for losing another type of love in the process. His heart would mend, eventually, even if it took him a long time.

*

Harry had found out that falling head first into the world, in his journey to specialise himself in his field of study and work was his way of dealing with pain and loss.

He spent a year at Castelobruxo, but also doing some more travelling to distinctive places throughout South, Central and North America. He had made incredible discoveries, not only professional ones, but personal ones. He had learned more about himself, learned what he liked and what he didn’t, who he liked and who he didn’t. He experienced life in a way he never thought he would and he was proud of himself for achieving that.

His family and friends were also proud of him. Niall, before leaving him after their 4-month expedition, had told him that he knew Harry would be ok on his own, that he believed in him to make himself the best Ancient Runes expert wizard that there was; he, on the other hand, would go back to the UK and try finding his own passion, whatever it was, but he trusted Harry to become the great fucking wizard he was supposed to be – something Harry had heard before.

That was what he focused on. He tried to forget Louis’ wary tone when saying that, and he focused on being what Louis had encourage him to. It was stupid to still care about what Louis thought of him. He didn’t even know if Louis cared about him anymore, after all their time apart, but if holding on to any sentiment that he could remember from Louis was what would help him improve himself and keep on his journey without the older boy, then so be it.

It worked. After a year studying and working at Castelobruxo, Harry knew he couldn’t stop there. A year or so of an exchange program, even with the amount of experience he had acquired, wouldn’t be enough to guarantee him a Professor position at Hogwarts. He went back to England, contacting the Ministry for any internship program they could offer, with no luck. However, he found an opportunity at the Euro-Glyph School of Extraordinary Languages in London, which had accepted him to work on more research jobs on Runes and Hieroglyphs.

Harry thought that going back to London, being so close to his old life – to Louis – would be something that would distract him from work, but life barely gave him time to settle in, to even suggest to Niall for them to move in together when Niall had finally gotten an internship in the Ministry. The School thought he would be of better assistance at their Nairobi affiliate, sending him off not even a month after he arrived.

He didn’t even have time to think about Louis, quickly being immersed in another research program abroad again. That was good, he thought, because the more time passed, the more he could feel himself distancing himself from thoughts and feelings for Louis. Not that he had completely forgotten about him, he would never, but his heart was feeling much lighter without sorrow and blame, happy that he was following his path and certain that Louis was somehow following his own.

Africa was nothing compared to his experience in America. If Harry had been dazzled by the tropical continent, Africa was another surprise. New places, new people, new discoveries, interacting with old African wizards tribes, cultures and more ancient magic. Everything was surreal, making Harry feel even more carefree and ambitious about his future.

He let himself go. He freed himself of anything or anyone that was holding him back. He had spent too long pitying himself for his teenage decisions and it was time for him to enjoy what life had to offer. There he had new life experiences, his first tattoos (much for his mother’s dread), decided to let his hair grow; there he allowed himself to have fun again – alone and with other people, but never letting them too close – and to finally realize that he could go on with his life being grateful for having known Louis and for the time they had together rather than apologising in his mind all the time for what had happened.

Them being together hadn’t been a waste of time. Being with Louis was also an experience in his life, one that helped him grow and maybe they weren’t meant to be the way Harry had thought. Maybe they were meant to have crossed paths the way they did and then go on with their lives.

Acceptance was something that took time but Harry had finally managed to do so while working harder than before. So when Christmas break came, Harry gave himself his own holiday, visiting places he hadn’t yet, not for work, but for his own leisure.

He found himself in Egypt, visiting the Pyramids and for the first time in a year and a half, he didn’t feel the urge to go inside such ancient and historical place and try to find hidden and cryptic messages – that would happen in another time, he hoped. He walked around Cairo, getting to know the city and stumbling upon a street fair, full of stands selling the most exotic things. It was an unusually hot day, the place crowded with people going up and down the street where the fair was being held. Harry could smell the sweat of people walking beside him, the polluted air around… the unmistakable smell of the Hogwarts Express, mixed with something that didn’t quite fit there – Cologne? Nail polish? – but that somehow made the smell the sweetest thing he had ever experienced.

He thought he was going crazy, turning his head around multiple times, trying to see where that smell was coming from. It was not possible. There was no way he smelt the Hogwarts Express in freaking Egypt. There was also no way he would be smelling things that would remind him of Louis. That he was sure. He would be able to recognise that smell anywhere, no matter when and where, no matter how much time had passed, no matter if Harry had finally let go of his thoughts and feelings for Louis… he knew he would never forget how his Amortentia smelt – or used to, the last time he checked.

But how was he smelling that? Where was it coming from? There couldn’t be any wizard preparing a freaking love potion in the middle of Muggle Cairo.

He turned around once again, catching glimpse of a stand ahead of him, surrounded by young girls, with different bottles in their hands. When he stepped closer to them, he felt the smell stronger; no doubt it was coming from there. The girls stepped away from the stand giggling, giving the old man sitting behind it some money and leaving with the bottles in hand.

“You know I could report you to the Ministry for selling magical love potions to non-magical people, right?” Harry spoke firmly, no second guessing he was speaking to a wizard as he approached the stand. He noticed that not only was it filled with bottles just like the ones the girls bought, but also with necklaces and bracelets covered with different kinds of gems.

“There’s no harm in inciting teenage girls into thinking that they can find true love by simply spraying a magical mixture on themselves. In this world, they don’t believe in such things, but they can keep their imagination alive and also give me some money,” the wizard* replied, looking at Harry with glinting eyes, “also, a drop of Amortentia mixed with perfume can do no harm.”

“A drop?! I was able to smell that thing from where I was, for how strong it was! I can report you right now for–”

“Well, if you could smell it from so far, that’s not because of the amount of potion in those small vases, I’m afraid.” The wizard interrupted Harry, smiling smugly at him.

Harry was confused. “What does that mean?”

“Amortentia is a potion of attraction, not really of true love. People always seem to mistake that, you know? Drinking it will not make you fall in love, but fall into the stupor of desire,” the wizard then took a small vial from his side and opened it, the smell wafting between them even stronger. “However, the true magic of this potion lies on how it attracts the target: it smells just like what your heart most desires, even if you’re unaware of it. It’s a foolproof trap,” he closed the vial back again, placing it under the stand. “You, my friend, seem to be one of those who desires too much.”

Harry wanted to say something. He wanted to say that the old wizard was lying. But he was paralysed, no words leaving his mouth.

That couldn’t be right. If the old man said he had only poured a drop of Amortentia in each little bottle and Harry was able to smell everything that Louis represented to him from several feet away… No. That was simply impossible.

Harry had spent the past year and a half fighting to move on. And he did. He hadn’t even thought about him in months. He knew he would still feel something for Louis, but not like this. Not this strong anyway.

“Listen,” he licked his lips nervously, “that’s impossible.” He shook his head, scoffing a bit, trying to convince himself and also the man in front of him.

“This is a love matter, isn’t it? Can you still smell her, then? Are you sure you’ve even fallen out of love? Some people try to convince themselves for years that their hearts are not taken anymore, when in reality they have only been fooling themselves.”

Harry took the old man’s words in. If he allowed himself to be honest, that was exactly what he was doing. He had tucked what he felt for Louis in the deepest corner of his heart just so he wouldn’t hurt anymore, but had he really forgotten him? Had he really stopped loving him, after all this time?

“It’s been too long. I put that love away, making sure it wouldn’t come back. I haven’t even seen him in almost two–”

“Love is a curse, young boy,” the wizard spoke over Harry, “it’s not that simple to put something that strong away. If someone is lucky enough, it will take them a good number of years to let it fade away, but sometimes it never does. I don’t know what happened to you, but if you really had succeeded in putting it away, Amortentia wouldn’t attract you quite as much as it did. Seems like how you feel is not going away anytime soon, it’s your choice to accept it or act on it. Now I guess it only depends on what you truly want.”

The wizard’s words were too much for Harry to process. Everything he had done in the past to finally get over Louis, to let go of how he felt, to forget how much it hurt that he was in love with Louis but still managed to fuck up what they had – all of that was slipping away, was falling right in front of him. His heart was opening again, a floodgate of feelings inside, all the memories, all the gestures and words and promises. It shouldn’t be that easy to let Louis take over him like that, not after so long, not when Harry didn’t even think about him all the time anymore.

“I can see that you’ve suffered, still do,” the wizard continued, catching Harry’s attention again from his thoughts, “and if love was meant to be easy, it wouldn’t be the most powerful force in our world. Love hurts so we can learn to cherish it and do it right, how many times it’s necessary. But love is also made to comfort us. What you need now is to stop punishing yourself and work on letting your own heart heal you. I know exactly what can help you with that.”

He then picked a necklace hanging from the wire on top of his stand. It had a brown string and a very light pink oval gem held by it. He handed it to Harry, who dried a single tear from his eye before taking the necklace curiously.

“You can keep it; I don’t want anything in return. The Rose Quartz is a powerful love gem. It speaks directly to the heart, a crystal of unconditional love, and it helps dissolving any emotional wounds, fears and resentment and that’s exactly what I feel you need right now. Use it as you wish and I hope it can help you in the right direction to follow your heart.”

Harry left the street fair, necklace tucked inside his fist, feeling a bit disorientated with the old wizard’s words, a million thoughts running through his mind.

He couldn’t deny what he felt and he couldn’t fool himself pretending he had ever stopped feeling.

Harry just didn’t know what to do. He was pretty sure it was too late for him to do anything to reconnect with Louis, to reach out to him. He had no clue on how to do that, if he wanted to do that, or even if it was right. He still had a path to work there; Louis hadn’t been added to his equation. Now it seemed things had changed and he had no idea what to do.

He could, though, live his life, day by day, accepting that he wouldn’t stop loving Louis and when the time came, he could give them another chance.

*

Life has a bitch of a sense of humour, Harry thought. He’d been fine, that was the thing. He had missed Louis, yes, but he’d accepted his decision and dived head first into moving on and building himself up. He was a new person, older, who enjoyed his new life. So why, why did he have to fall back into the rabbit hole that were his feelings for Louis? He’d been over him, he’d been fine. First love gone wrong, everybody had those. It was not as if they were soulmates or something like that. He had let it go.

Except, it seemed, he did not. Bottling up emotions wasn’t the same as getting over them, who would have thought that. So really, after quite the reality slap he’d had, Harry realised his cherished friend had been a backstabber all this time: Time, what a witchfucker. So now not only did he still have his feelings for Louis, he didn’t know how to control them and he had lost his timing to get him back. He wasn’t getting over him, he was digging himself deeper. What a joke.

Some sleepless nights, he would wonder what he’d do with a Time-Turner in his hands. His thoughts would go from apparating into King’s Cross September 1st after their break up to beg Louis to take him back to going even earlier and punching himself in the face when he started developing feelings for Louis.

Other nights, he had to restraint the impulse to apparate back into London, just to say a hi, maybe grab a cuppa, try to settle things, figure out what the fuck he really wanted. Of course, that would be difficult to do when he’d been travelling all over the world. It didn’t matter where he was, a temple in Asia or a secluded beach in Tuvalu, the urge would quite never go away. He desperately wanted to see Louis.

The first time he felt that whim was when receiving Lottie’s reply to his letter after he came back from Africa to spend Christmas at home. Marcel came back from the Tomlinson’s in a way Harry hadn’t seen in a long time. It felt almost familiar to see the owl that chirpily again and suddenly Harry knew what it was.

Louis.

He was probably with Lottie back at his mother’s house. Marcel had just been with Louis after almost two years apart, the closest thing Harry had of feeling Louis close to him again. It was obvious Harry wasn’t the only one missing Louis. Now he only questioned himself: what if he had sent that letter with a birthday wish to Louis? Or decided to make Lottie a surprise? Would he have been as welcomed as Marcel? How would they interact with each other? Would Louis be as open to him as he obviously had been to the owl? Harry didn’t know if he was brave enough to have these answers, but sometimes in the quiet of the night, he still wanted to try.

That had been the first time, not the last though.

Harry kept working, though, looking at his prospects, trying to decide on what to do, to figure out his next move in life, when he got wind of an opportunity of a lifetime: Bathsheda Babbling was retiring from her position as Ancient Runes teacher in Hogwarts next year.

Harry followed through with his plan. And it eventually paid off – all the travelling he did and all the knowledge he acquired, all that had been Harry’s life for almost 3 years and it was all Harry had imagined he would be doing when he left Hogwarts, his family, his friends – and Louis – behind. Months of conversations with Headmistress McGonagall, with back and forth letters between Hogwarts, the Ministry and all the people Harry had worked with at Castelobruxo, at the Euro-gryph School and all the other places he had been was enough to prove himself qualified for the position of the new Hogwarts’ Study of Ancient Runes professor.

Going back to England after years roaming around, after visiting the most distinguished places and meeting the most exquisite people, and only going back home possibly twice a year, was the best feeling Harry had felt in a long time – but it was time to come home definitely.

Happiness couldn’t describe him – and happiness, as you know, is meant to be shared. But just like a picture in his journal, sharing it with his family and friends felt outdated: it lacked the thrill of a home building of his own. He wanted to share it with a better half – and no one came to mind except for Louis. That position seemed to have a name and a shape he already knew. It was crazy to crave it so much with someone he’d lost contact so long ago, whom he had wronged. He wanted to try and make it right again, though.

So Harry opened his journal and left himself a note as an indirect message of hope, quickly scanning the few entries meant for and about him, the only one he truly wanted.

**February 2010**

_“I think I could fall for you.”_

**August 2011**

_“Am I crazy for wanting someone so different so bad?”_

**_December 2011_ **

_“I like you and I hope you like me too.”_

**February 2012**

_“I don’t want anything else if I get to have you like this forever.”_

**May 2012**

_“I’m sorry. I hope one day you can understand.”_

**October 2012**

_“I’m scared to say I miss you.”_

**January 2014**

_“You will always be my what if.”_

Reading glimpses of what he felt for Louis at different times over the past few years made his heart ache. Seeing photographs of them together he had attached to the journal – that first picture together at Lottie’s party and one of the last ones they had taken, cuddling on Louis’ couch at his Uni flat – brought Harry back to a time he knew he was genuinely happy and loved, and he wanted that back. No, scratch that, he didn’t want it back, it was impossible: he wanted a new beginning, a new chapter in his life where he could live his life the way he had once dreamed.

He fetched a quill from his desk, flipped the next blank page in the journal, and wrote what he most wished for.

**August 2015**

_“I want you here with me like how I pictured it so I don’t have to keep imagining.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... In celebration of Harry's birthday... Here's a little interlude before the next big part comes ;) Sorry (not sorry) again!
> 
> "You're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it" has never been truer.
> 
> Part 3 is coming soon, don't worry! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading it and sticking with us through the angst!
> 
> *PS: The old wizard in Cairo is not really a wise™ wizard. He was just trying to save his ass from being reported to the Ministry and Harry, sweet naive and still in love Harold fell for that (although what the wizard said was somehow true).
> 
> Ste and Star xx

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on [Sick of Losing Soulmates](https://youtu.be/8qGFAkyfjDU) by Dodie and [I Like You](https://youtu.be/5NmLT87BInU) by Dandelion Hands
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Read Part 3: [If You Ever Wanna Be in Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9863852)  
> Read Part 4: [Tell The World We Finally Got It All Right](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13191867)
> 
> Subscribe to the series and follow us on tumblr [@perfectdagger](http://www.perfectdagger.tumblr.com) for the next updates.
> 
> [Tumblr post](http://perfectdagger.tumblr.com/post/156680758558/mistletoes-wrackspurts)
> 
> Comments are always welcome! xx


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